Um, hi?

Wow, haven't posted here in forever.

How is everyone doing?

Me? Well, its... different? Interesting?

I graduated in June, my student loan re-payments are already looming so I'm pretty much terrified, I'm doing a horrible job of looking for a career in my field... okay, honestly, I really haven't done anything in the way of looking, I don't know, I was so enthusiastic at first but somewhere I lost all my confidence and will-power, which makes me feel ever more awful.

I understand how Brandon felt though when he graduated. He didn't want to do anything and I bitched at him about it. But now I totally understand. The difference is he spent 3 months doing absolutely nothing while I've at least been working.

Well I gotta get off Brandon's computer or I would finish writing this. I'll edit it later.
  • Current Music
    Ludo - Whipped Cream
Someone Worth Dying For


Uh, so this is pretty much the last place I am updating, sorry, but Brandon proposed to me today for Valentine's Day!!!

Usually he is no good at surprises but he actually managed to keep me completely in the dark for this, he did good ^_^

I'll put all the detail here...
So originally he was going to say he couldn't make it up for Valentine's Day and was going to show up and surprise me. But instead he came up Thursday. Marija, one of my roomies, was the only one who knew and she told us all that SHE had a surprise for us today and that we all had to be here at 3pm and couldn't be late so I wasn't expecting it at all. So we were all here and Brandon was in the back and I kept yelling 'Surprise!!!' because it was 3pm and the surprise was supposed to be here already... and Brandon walks out with a box of chocolates so I thought 'Oh, that's sweet' and I looked at the lid and it said 'Rogers & Hollands' so I got confused and he told me to open it and the he sat down in front of me and pulled out the ring box and asked me. :3
And then he made a point to say it was real and then he put it on the wrong hand (even though I had given him my left one, he was nervous though and looking at his left hand and didn't think about it XD)

After that he said there was something else and then left and came back with his parents and brother and my mom and sister! He'd asked me yesterday where I wanted to go eat for Valentine's Day so we went to eat with our parents. I guess last month he had called to ask my mom's permission and my sister cried for 2 days XD And I guess that is why my mom hasn't called me for the past 5 weeks (EVEN ON HER BIRTHDAY WHEN I CALLED 2 DAYS IN A ROW TO WISH HER HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!) because she was afraid that she would spill the beans, so I forgive her. I was so excited to see everyone and we had a great time. Then my roommates and everyone got Brandon and I some tea from Teavana for an impromptu engagement gift! <3

Now we are celebrating!

And he's already going to pick out his engagement band now, he had something in mind that he had to show me on Monday, we had to get mine re-sized so when we pick it up he is going to show me XD

MUAH! Love you all, Goodnight!
Yue Reading

Happy New Year!

I don't really care if it is a week late, be happy you were wished it at all!!!!

Merh. I need to write in here more often now... I'll have the time to.

In 4 more days I am headed back to Schaumburg and it will be the first time I am there without Brandon... its going to be weird and lonely. I mean, yeah I have my roommates and I know it will be great to spend more time with them, especially since I HAD been spending as much time as I possibly could with Brandon since he won't be there.

Its just going to be so weird, I've never been there without him, even when we weren't dating... It would be as weird as if Lara were gone. And even though I will have my roommates... I'm mostly worried about the nights... the nights I will have to spend alone again. I'm so spoiled when it comes to Brandon now, it is going to be a big transition for me. It'll be weird to have him so far away and like I said, at night when I will be alone will be the worst. But I am a strong person and I know that, I know I will be okay. I'll adapt and we'll talk a lot and we'll still get to see each other every so often. He keeps saying he'll visit all the time but once he gets a job back home I get a feeling it will be a promise he can't keep. And I want to get a job myself... so that will make it even worse.

I just worry too because there are so many people that want to see him without me there... basically girls that want to see him when I'm not there. And I trust him... but I don't trust them. I don't trust most women as far as I can throw them. Especially considering the track record of most of the girls, that Brandon used to know, who decide they want to talk to him... yeah. Bah, it doesn't do me any good to worry about that stuff though.

On another note... I've been very aware of my own mortality lately... I dunno why, I've just been thinking about it a lot. I'm not the type to freak out about the fact that I could die at any moment but I'm also not usually as aware of it as I have been lately... It feels like a bad thing to be thinking about it so often. Even scarier was that the day it was the worst, Brandon told me he'd been thinking the same thing.

It is eerie to have someone say that... and it just makes me wonder more about my thoughts... for some reason, I often think about parallel universes and how my decisions in this one create other ones where I made different choices... and I dunno, it just raises a lot of questions... like do I still have an alternate consciousness in that universe? And if I do then isn't she a different person than me... does that mean everyone around me has other consciousnesses too? I think about all the bad things that happen to people and how LUCKY I have been. Why do I get to be so lucky? I know I believe that everything happens for a reason and that the universe has a way to work itself out for the best but is the fact that I am here now with such a good life purely coincidental? I mean, I don't believe the universe revolves around me or anything but I just wonder if there are there universes where everyone else has everything going so well for them too... I dunno, it is complicated and I don't have the time to explain @_@

Maybe some other time I'll go into it more or something but for now I am off.

Bye bye!
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    amused amused
Yue Reading


Sounds like a lot of people are having very shit-tatsic times lately... T_T

As for me, things are okay. I wish I had been more motivated this quarter but it just never happened... last quarter I was motivated like crazy but my work load was to heavy and I burned out... and I never recovered. -__-;

Brandon is graduating in 2 weeks... then we go home for break and then he'll be gone. So not really looking forward to next quarter... but the upside is I won't have him to distract me so much XD
Yeah... not that much of a plus side really. But although he'll be going home right away we don't know how long he'll be there... it doesn't seem like he will get hired from portfolio show but he wants to apply to two places, one in Champagne and one in Madison... so that is a possibility too. Champagne would be slightly closer to here but if he got the job in Madison he would be closer to a lot of you guys and he'd be closer to my family. Still, its going to be weird without him here and being around all the time T_T

And hey, I'll probably post more here rather than once every 2 months XD

Yeah... that's all.
Yue Reading


So it is 5:30 in the am and I am still awake. I think I have some minor food poisoning, which sucks but it has ruined my ability to sleep at the moment, still seeing as how I am supposed to be waking up in a few hours I figured I would take my mind off it here. And there has been one thing on my mind a lot today as I am sure, judging by your posts, has been on many of the people on my friends list as well.

The death of a classmate, of a friend.

After having thought about it all day, I drew out a lot of fond memories of Brandon Boaz. It made me regret that somehow I haven't really talked to him since graduation. Its weird, the two of us had never been on bad terms at any point in the some 16 years that I knew him. Growing up he had been a great friend to me, the two of us both grew up in Tremain and had spent the majority of our lives there so we were no strangers by any means. I remember the early hours getting up and trudging down to the bus stop to be part of the cluster of kids who got picked up first and hauled off to the elementary school. We suffered through that together almost our entire school careers. I remember winters with snow fights.

I still have a picture from my birthday party right after second grade with him in it, a big cheesy grin on his face. I always found it particularly funny.

I remember specific incidents too. One of those that I will always remember as one of the more shocking moments in my elementary school life. Brandon getting in a fight with Paul Schreiber, one of the funniest and most terrifying events ever. Our bus got so packed by the last stop and in 6th grade we ruled the back of the bus. But even though we had to wake up the earliest and get on the bus first and suffer the whole ride, those 6th graders that were part of the last stop always thought they were somehow entitled to our seats. One time after Jon and Paul had forced their way into the seat with Brandon, he got a little fed up and decided to sit on Paul's lap. He started bouncing up and down and calling Paul 'Santa' and telling him his Christmas wish list. Paul became furious and started chocking Brandon, we were all freaking out because we honestly thought someone was going to get hurt, it seemed that serious. But Brandon just kept laughing the whole time.

I'll always remember that laugh. He practically had a girl's giggle XD

6th grade was also the year he put the whole school in an uproar by running away before classes started. When he went and hid in the woods next door to the school.

The first memory I have of Tasha is because of him too. We'd had to go to the middle school for one of those stupid recitals. Brandon had known Tasha I think because of their older siblings but I remember them talking and how I had already thought from that point that Tasha seemed sweet.

Brandon had also been one of my surprise manga converts. My Love Hina manga will always remind me of him, he had seen me reading them one day on the bus towards the end of freshman year. He started freaking out because Brittany, a girl, was reading 'porn' on the bus XD
Needless to say, even if he was only interested from the half naked girls on the covers, he ended up as big a fan of the series as anyone else. I know he went and bought all of it himself eventually. I'm lucky I got the last volume back of it, I remember he had it forever XD

And I remember how mad I got when he started turning into a pot head. I vented to my sister about it one night, it was hard to see someone I had known so long choose that path for himself.

And I'll always remember our final reunion of the 'Tremain Gang' before he left to become a military brat. They were fun times, its too bad that we couldn't have had one more reunion before this happened.

But what I regret is that I made myself a stranger and I don't know why. We had become different people and chosen very different lives, yes, but we'd never been on bad terms in the whole time I have known him. I had no reason to not talk to him... but I guess I must have felt there was really no reason to talk to him either. Maybe I should have, not that it would have changed anything, I'm not that naive, but I regret that this is what it took to realize something so simple. That I'd forgotten just how much of life we had shared together.

It also is a bit shocking since he was one of the youngest in our class, he had only just turned 20 while some are already looking at 21 in a month or so.

All I can hope now is that whatever happens when we die is treating him well now.

RIP Brandon, you may be gone but you're certainly not forgotten.
Lucky Star

*Selling Stuff* Figures - Negima, Suzumiya Haruhi, Manga - Gravitation, Fushigi Yuugi

You guys get the first heads up about this before I start posting on communities, I'll be posting there tomorrow.

I'm selling a few things that I don't want/will not use/have no use for. It isn't a lot of stuff but everything is in good condition, the figures aren't even out of their wrapping (Only the boxes were opened)

On to the Goods!Collapse )

First come, first serve but I will take priority for people wanting the full set of manga rather than just singles.

I'll estimate shipping when item is asked for.
Sob - Hamtaro


School Rumble is EVIL... EVIL I SAY!!!

Yeah, sorry about another little School Rumble rant. IF you guys only knew!!! GAH! IT IS SO SAD RIGHT NOW. It is one of those things where it is kinda good but also really sad. And there was a really cute/sad moment at the end of 275.

I need to find a School Rumble discussion board, like I have time for that, but still.

I am in for a busy weekend. Tomorrow I don't have to go into my class early but I need to finish my video and burn it to DVD so that is going to eat my time. And then I have to start my Final for that class. And then the rest of Friday will be...uh, something I can't say just incase it should spill the beans... and after that I will be having to do a ton of shit for the drag show @_@

I need sleep. I only had 5 hours last night and at this rate I won't get as much as I need.

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    sleepy sleepy